Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in stargazer90's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
5:05 pm	physics i failed my physics. and my L1R5 became 21. i'm dead. GOMENASAI for everything i'm sorry i just can't be perfect. Current Mood: uncomfortable (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 1st, 2006
11:03 am	A Symphony of Emotions The idea of creating something special struck me. Quite a random one. MUAAHAHAHA.. A symphony of emotions see how many songs you can identify (: and here it goes: Empty spaces fill me up with holes Distant faces with no place left to go Wishing upon a falling star, if I could grab one, I would. A total emptiness within the mind, i need someone to tell me the next destination. I drift, I burn, I fly When you sing lullabies I'm helpless, I'm yearning the very feeling of being lost, evoking a sense of despair, what should i do? I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you I’m awake but my world is half asleep I pray for this heart to be unbroken But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete To unbreak a broken heart, is it possible? I hope so. Trying hard to reach out But when I tried to speak out Felt like no one could hear me A life like a jigsaw puzzle, with a missing piece somewhere, You'll find it in due time. My heart can't possibly break When it wasn't even whole to start with An emotional struggle, thy dost hurt thee so. I pray to follow on my journey, to the final destination safely. Voices tell me I should carry on But I am swimming in an ocean all alone To carry on? "I ought to," I tell myself. At the very least, I'm not alone. I laugh, I dream, I cry When you take me on a roller coaster ride You see me through and through You see just who i am Just take my hand and Save me from this place Heaven knows I'm falling For you, my sweet embrace The little things you've once done I will never forget. Let the feelings remain buried under the sand, because it will be part of my memories. Though a thousand words Have never been spoken They'll fly to you Crossing over the time and distance holding you Suspended on silver wings And a thousand words One thousand confessions Will cradle you Making all of the pain you feel seem far away They'll hold you forever Unspoken words, though a regret, minimizes the barrier between us. Some words were better left unsaid, though others can be expressed through actions. I had a dream that i was falling from the sky At 90 miles an hour I was bound to crash and die But out of nowhere you came and rescued me There must be some grace in the touch of your face I'm so happy that I've found you I'm no longer afraid The fact that happiness can be short-lived and that it includes self-deception, makes me understand the situation. I thought i had it figured out But you came and turned my whole world upside down For one, I've defined eternity. It means an infinite time; a duration without beginning or end. I know that you're hiding things Using gentle words to shelter me Your words were like a dream But dreams could never fool me Not that easily Words, a simple yet effective way of communication, never estimate its power. They can mend a broken soul, but at the same time make one hurt. 什么都别说我不想懂 至少我还拥有美丽的梦 什么都别说我真的不想懂 终于明白该放手 Once again, I scribbled on my resolution list "Goodbye, I'm letting go." Time will heal all wounds and allow one to mature. And if I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster Looking back at the past, i finally realized how foolish i was. Call this innocence, silliness or whatever, I have to admit I was once a happy soul before. 你们要快乐要天长地久 你们不幸福我会难过 走出这扇门后至少我还有辽阔 So long as you're happy, I'll be fine. Just remember, somewhere, some place, there's a guardian angel watching over you. Here's my blessings. I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly. I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky. Make a wish, take a chance, Make a change, and break away. Out of the darkness and into the sun. But I won't forget all the ones that I love. My friends are the angels in my life. They simply make me feel loved. (: Though the secondary school life is coming to an end, I believe we'll be best friends forever. As we go on, we remember All the times we had together And as our lives change Come Whatever We will still be Friends Forever. Indeed. So at the end of the day, I've learnt another lesson. There's no use crying over spilled milk, because we ought to look forward. You see, I'm enlightened. =D Current Mood: calm (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 29th, 2006
8:29 pm	Breakaway. today WJP made many people angry those students who got an initial A2 they became a B3 after moderation and it's apparent that she pulled down their marks on purpose the others with an initial A1 they became an A2 after moderation too hear this, it's her justification: #01. "i pulled students down to A2 cos there were too many A1s." #02. "i gave students a B grade because they only deserve a B." (p.s. these pple got an A2 at first) she made GAMMA and OMEGA super angry today and ULTIMA too she deducted 4 marks from the compo of OMEGA she gave a super low mark for GAMMA's main paper and she implied that ULTIMA's chinese is a B3(a low one) standard so at the end of the day they were crossed at her and her constant nagging made the atmosphere in the class worse oh my. it's apparent that our class dont like her. anyway, this is to the gits: we wont be seeing her soon so dont be too mad kaes? cheer up! and get HIGH with me (: one more thing. yesterday my mom was in a foul mood cos she got bullied at work her colleague got promoted and became her boss a man that is young and incompetent, and he lack teaching experience and this is what he did on his first day after promo: #01. he claimed full credit for the work both he and my mom did #02. he was suaning my mom in the first meeting, saying that she was a lousy teacher #03. he stabbed my mom in her back when my mom trusted him #04. he made my mom responsible for the mistakes made by the department when it's not her fault at all. because of him, my mom was in a bad mood because of him, i was unable to break the news of my results to her because of him, my mom was badly hit because of him, my dad had to apply leave to accompany my mom because of him, my grandparents were super worried because of him, my results is a double-blow to my mom alright. this is to MR. WHOEVER: i dont know why are you doing this. but you broke the harmony maintained in the department. and for all these things you've done, you'd better apologise to my mom and clear things up. you'd better not be complacent, because you're of little substance, and you depend on other people's hardwork to earn credit, so i dont understand how you got the job of department head. but i want to warn you, that what goes around, comes around, and that you'll have your retribution for ruining my mom. you'd better do something to make up, really, or you'll come to no good end. AND I'M SERIOUS. this is a lesson learnt. never trust someone whom you don't know too well completely because at the end of the day, you'll be the one that is hurt. perhaps i'm naive perhaps i'm gullible but i'd never known that office politics were so hiong. and that someone would actually betray a friend for a higher status. this totally made me mad i was more furious than my mom (dont know why too) it made me wary of people especially those i dont know too well. haiz.. well, that's life. Current Mood: indescribable (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
4:53 pm	thoroughly disappointed in myself. my a maths paper 1 is thoroughly screwed. and i broke down again, i don't know why my emotions are confused and my heart is numb i know mrs tan is disappointed in me cos she couldn't believe that i fail this paper this was a manageable paper yet i screwed it, BIG TIME to think that i misread a exponential graph qn for a linear law one i ought to be shot i think i'm only one who failed in class i'm sorry, mrs tan i really am. believe me, i'll work doubly hard for maths for O's (: to conceal the wound, i laugh to hide the frustration, i smile the best i can to be optimistic, i abandoned the darkness and headed towards sunshine to overcome my weaknesses, i'll stay strong in weakness, we're are made strong in sadness, we ought to stay optimistic so the quote of the day "CAN WE DO THIS? YES WE CAN!" (cited from BOB THE BUILDER) and i'm very touched by the people around me doing all the nice things esp. GIT DELTA AND OMEGA look at the pic below man thanks loads for their efforts "thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks." i should do something for them too and motivate each other giving a powerful force to carry on what a good plan! 1 more thing this is for my daughters: (only if they happen to read this) don't feel too bad for your exams at least this is not O's yet though i'm not in a position to say that cos i had screwed up exams worse somehow but i want to tell you dears that no matter how sad you are, find motivation among sadness and stand strong again. Esp Rose dear i dont want to see you as depressed as i am so stay happy Jiayou,kaes? Mummy loves you three! and i'll be back to help for Mooncake festival rehearsal await me (and my chocolates) tmr will not be a happy day at all history and ss papers are coming back or if not, at least we get to know the marks and i'm all prepared to receive another breakdown but all in all, i'll emerge stronger before i forget, GIT INC. rawks! val's BETA jiayi's OMEGA yubing's GAMMA kathy's ULTIMA blahwool's DELTA and of course, our DA JIE DA CHIEF peipei xD ~messages in two bottles! Current Mood: moody (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 26th, 2006
6:31 pm	bad day. today we've got back our physics paper 1 and guess what i've got. 19/40 for MCQ. oh great. my mom isn't going to let me off like this. i was actually trying to calm myself when we went up to collect the OTAS. thinking that i'm definitely screwed, but not to the extent of failing. it's usually a score of between 20-25 for physics and for that i'll definitely be grounded. okay, then we had to check answers and i was totally shocked. every 3 mistakes i made, there would be 2 correct ones following after. cool pattern huh? oh man. i was terrifyingly agitated just now and i dont know why, tears just started swelling in the eyes to think that i did my tys twice and i forgo chemistry for this bloody subject in the end, i think i screwed both. everyone was telling me to relax "this is only paper one" but i really wanted to say that i was depending on the MCQs cos my paper 2 totally went haywire and my practical is worse cos that micrometer screw gauge reading was terribly wrong but how could i say? i believe everyone was equally depressed and i dont want my moods to affect them too much either mr peh was saying that our class was just above 4/3 for physics in which he's implying that we second from the bottom well, pls be more encouraging. i know we aren't geniuses and godly people but at the very least, we're trying real hard in the sense that, we attempted and made an effort to do well but the paper is of such high standard and we just couldn't make it DOES HE UNDERSTAND THAT? NO. NO, HE DOESN'T. and when i heard him saying that we're not studying hard enough i almost wanted to shout at him "YOU ARE A LOUSY PHYSICS TEACHER. AND I DON'T THINK YOU'RE QUALIFIED ENOUGH TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO! AND FOR THE BENEFIT OF FUTURE STUDENTS, PLS LEAVE THE SCHOOL OR MAKE THE PRINCIPAL FIRE YOU FOR HEAVENS SAKE." to contain that anger within me, i broke down to remain rational, i broke down for the plunge into the bottomless pit, i broke down for that damn teacher who is useless and not at all encouraging, i pity the future batches of students cos he's going to be the next physics head and NH's physics department is DOOMED. no more Pandian, no more Chow it's collapsing sooner or later. i love my friends they never fail to make me touched kathy was making me laugh with her gittish look and encouraging me to look at Lee Joon Ki cos he's an optimist and according to meow, "he makes people smile" (: and yubing who came over and gave me a big hug it warmed my heart and made me wanted to cry but in the sense of being touched (: and jiayi who handed me a piece of tissue and played with my hair and stayed beside me all the while (: and peipei who was showing me a pic sorry peipei, i wasn't looking at all but she was patting my head and telling me not to cry thank you meowmeow, yubing, jiayi and peipei you all rawk (: i think this song suits my mood now. Linkin Park - In the end. "It starts with one thing I don't know why It doesn't even matter how hard you try keep that in mind I designed this rhyme to explain in due time All I know Time is a valuable thing Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings Watch it count down to the end of the day The clock ticks life away Its so unreal Didn't look out below Watch the time go right out the window Trying to hold on But didn't even know Wasted it all just to Watch it go I kept everything inside and even though I tried It all fell apart What it meant to me will evetually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter I had to fall And lose it all But in the end It doesn't even matter One thing i don't know why Doesn't even matter how hard you try Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme To remind myself How I tried so hard In spite of the way you were mocking me Actin like I was a part of ur property Remembering all the times you fought with me I'm surprised It got so (far) Things aren't the way they were before You wouln't even recognize me anymore Not that you knew me back then But it all comes bak to me In the end You kept evetyhing inside and even though I tried it all fell apart What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I Tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter I had to fall And lose it all But in the end It doesn't even matter I put my trust in you Pushed as far as i can go For all this Theres only one thing you should know I tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter I had to fall And lose it all But in the end It doesn't even matter" Current Mood: frustrated (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 25th, 2006
11:35 pm	today yubing and cec came to my house i was supposed to pick them, but i overslepted ^^ but in the end i wasn't even late at all.. No bio today (: though i heard it was an easy paper the both of them rawk the house WOOHOO! we had a day of fun and noise! (half a day to be exact) well, we didn't do much Watched "Mean Girls" and "She's the man" muaahahahaha.. "Mean Girls" kind of make me think of those in school all the backstabbing and those big cliques hanging out together spreading rumours to destroy others haiz, well life's like that, and i've seen through these "She's the man" rawks! HAHAHAHAHAHA.. it's a modern version of Twelfth Night same character names, except that Malvolio became Malcolm same setting : Illyria it's a brilliant recap for Twelfth Night! xD "some are born great, some achieve greatness, some have greatness thrust upon them." [p.s. call me a good lit student xP] the irony of the show is, the girl actually looks more handsome than her brother HAHAHAHAHA interesting. (x then the both of them had a stuffed toy fight in my room heehee (: oh my childish papa and fellow git gamma they never grow up.. and my poor darlings MAO MAO, TARE, BAOBAO, BUBBLES and SUNSHINE they became the victims of the fight i filmed down that fight with my new phone (: right after i stopped the video that 2 softballers tried to attack with those toys WOOTS =D that video rawks man! and i was watching it over and over again.. it makes me laugh =D papa's acting-cute voice and toys flying all around WAHAHAHAHA.. alright, stopping here. tmr's back to school. back to reality. back to that jail. face the music. but we'll pull through this together. YES WE CAN. (: ~ yubing and cec after that fight, looking thoroughly energised xD Current Mood: excited (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 24th, 2006
9:49 pm	BORED. I know what is over, is over, And what is not over, hasn't arrive. i ought not to be slacking but still, gimme a break after prelims pls! HAHAHAHA. i've no bio tmr, so it's time to let loose temporarily. AGREE? YEAH MAN. someone pls teach me how to stay rational COS I"M GETTING FAR TOO CRAZY AND HIGH! WOOTS. =D (1 Comment |Comment on this)